UPS

Wednesday.

I find the note in my mailbox: Delivery of my package has been attempted. Recipient not available.

Okay. I was home the entire day, but it's entirely likely that I was still asleep when they tried to deliver the package. I call the phone number on the note, hoping there will be some way to get my hands on the package before the day is over. The guy on the phone informs me that I can pick it up at their office between 6:00 PM and 7:00 PM, and I agree to do that.

at 7:00 PM, after I've failed to find their office, I give them another call and inform the lady on the other end of my incompetence. She assures me that they'll have the package delivered to my place by noon the following day.

Thursday.

I normally sleep in on vacation days, but I get up at the by my standards ungodly hour of 8:00 AM to make absolutely sure I don't miss another delivery attempt. Some time in the afternoon I call UPS again, this time to ask them just what's holding up the delivery today. I'm told deliveries are made until 4:00, so all I have to do is wait. When I call back later to make sure they really do intend to deliver it and not hold it for me to pick up, the guy tells me they'll call me back later.

At some point after 4:00, a guy calls and cheerfully informs me; "Your package is ready and awaiting your pick up at our office!" And I'm starting to wish I had just used the ordinary post service.

Friday.

Despite having arrived home late after having gone to the midnight premiere of The Simpsons Movie, I get up early again. I call UPS and ask; "Am I getting my package today?" The lady tells me that, yes, it's scheduled for delivery today.

Many hours and phone calls later, I'm still without my package and since they don't do deliveries on weekends I know I won't be getting it until Monday. Which happens to be the day I go back to work. Which means this whole UPS deal was a waste. The entire point was to get my Stargate SG-1 Season 10 DVD box set delivered while I still had some vacation days left, for which I had made no plans other than to marathon the final season of my favorite sci-fi show.

Monday.

The day I go back to work. Luckily, I happen to work the evening shift this day so I can still be home to accept delivery of my DVDs. I call UPS at 8:00 to once again make sure they're planning on making the delivery. I tell the guy on the other the end the whole tragic story, after which he tells me that in the event the package is not delivered today, I should call back at 12:00 sharp.

It's not. So I do. This time I get another person on the phone who tells me I've been misinformed, there's no way it was going to be delivered before 12:00. She tells me to call back in "an hour or two". I do, and I get another guy on the phone - I think the same guy I talked to first. He tells me they'll call me back. Frustrated and bored, I do a google search on "ups sucks". No shortage of hits there.

Another guy finally calls me back when I'm already on my way to work. He joyfully informs me that my package had been misplaced, but now they have found it and are all ready to deliver it tomorrow. "That's exactly one day too late," I tell him. "Tomorrow I won't be home to receive it." He asks if there is another place they can deliver the package.

Tuesday.

The package is delivered at work. I rejoice, despite the fact that I've thrown away $17.50 on "express delivery" when I probably would have received the DVDs just as quickly with the plain old postal service. Then I remember that I've thrown away $17.50 on "express delivery" when I probably would have received the DVDs just as quickly with the plain old postal service, and swear never to use UPS ever again.